Thursday, May 8, 2014

Forgiving...Letting Go...and I did NOT Create That!

I had a friend that would say: "I'll forgive but I won't forget!"
If someone told you that, would you take their 'forgiveness' seriously?? Not exactly... Emoji
True. Others may hurt us...some through simple carelessness, not meaning to; while, at times, some may intentionally seem to hurt us. emotionally or physically.
 Plainly and simply, we all get emotionally hurt from time to time. In order for ANY emotion to be dealt with -- I have learned that it has to, first of all, be recognized, acknowledged, and faced. "Just ignore it and it will go away"... can be misleading. To say "I am not feeling this... I am completely at peace" sounds good...but denial can be an ornery companion that makes 'what happened' pop up at the most undesirable times! Recognize it...own it...then Let It Go. Most problems involving what or who has hurt us 'stay around' because we refuse to let them go. Insistence upon holding them in memory is the number one cause of so much of our pain in many areas of our lives.
I know that hearing Pink Fluffy aphorisms, when having problems with forgiveness, seem to make it worse...not better. The top offenders in this category
You  forgive the offender so you yourself feel better." (really?)
You are forgiving them for your sake -- not theirs... (oh yeah?) 
and then there is the religious angle:
'After all, God forgives 'you' so you are obligated  to forgive others.' (guilt)
This kind of thing is not soothing or helpful when we are truly upset.
So...what does work?
Each one of us have our own beliefs (including contradictory ones...we all do) as to why bad things happen to us.  My approach to this will be, however, a metaphysical one. Sometimes it's extremely hard to take 'responsibility' as to what happens to us in our reality. "Do you really think I would create that on purpose??!!" No! Of course not... we do not create a bad things happening to us 'on purpose' ...
However, there are two ways we manifest everything and anything that happens to us. One is consciously and deliberately...the other way is...(as Abe calls it): by 'default'... That is when our psyche goes into un-or sub-conscious overdrive, relying on the strongest of what may be the strongest of our unrecognized beliefs -- which we may interpret as "shit happens' ... That attitude paves a way for the Law of Attraction (which is continuously, unfailingly, and ALWAYS at work) -- to take over and deliver us little or big surprises that we do NOT want, that we might think came 'out of the blue.'
Nothing really happens 'out of the blue'.... although it seems like it is NOT connected to nothing we were thinking, doing, or believing. But there is always a root cause. Two of the most trouble-making beliefs we can harbor are: 1) "shit happens" -- assigning bad events that seem to have NO logical or justified reason.
Another is, believing: If anything CAN go probably WILL. (Murphy's Law--amazing how many people truly believe this.)
Both these attitudes (beliefs) send out negative vibes to the Universe and jump start LOA into manifesting what we are bound not to welcome.
I know one can think of hundreds of examples in which horrible things have happened to seemingly 'innocent' people (including ourselves! Emoji) an attempt to argue that we do NOT certainly  create our own reality... To overcome this takes being able (and willing) to See the Bigger Picture...and not try to justify or analyze any of it with a 3rd dimensional, lower vibrational, mindset. It seems very few have entertained that idea that FREE WILL actually encompasses Creating Our Own Reality.
So back to forgiveness. Granted, events may take 'time' to heal and to calm down.  We are NOT meant to beat ourselves up with "I created it, I'm a spiritual dummie! It's all my fault"... NO!! That is harmful and it is NOT the same as taking responsibility.
Instead, just a gentle recognition with intentions to get up, dust off, LET GO of it, including all the miserable thoughts of self-pity and revenge. Then, we need to INTEND to be FREE --that is what heals us.
Yes FREE. When we feel FREE we are aligned with Source.
Thoughts of Getting Even, Revenge, Pay Back...which also includes "God's gonna get you for this" or "karma will bite you in the ass!"... (To which I always say: "So what did YOU do to piss off God...or cause YOUR karma??" Emoji Vicious circle, eh wot?? Emoji
To 'forgive' someone doesn't mean we need to speak a self-righteous pronouncement over the person as if 'absolving him/her' from what they did to us. It can be as simple as saying 'let's just forget about it' and get on with life'..(if they ask your forgiveness)... If they don't, just say to yourself "I want to let this go and move on"...  Remove your self imposed chains to your painful situation! When people cry out "I just can't!!" -- that is a choice, a decision.
Accepting that you create your own reality does not mean that you are to continuously 'hold yourself accountable' -- scrutinizing your every thought. That will drive you nuts.
Buddhism has two really dandy teachings that are SO helpful and comforting. One is Let Go of All Blame (blaming yourself and others) And the second is: Recognize the misery of Attachment... attachment to all your self pitying feelings, to blame, to Being Right (big one there!) and to mentally replaying the drama over and OVER...which does nothing but signal LOA to bring us more of the same misery!!~!! What we focus on and continuously give our attention to -- is what we GET MORE OF...sooner or later!
It's so easy to get waaaaaay too serious about anything and everything. (this goes back to Attachment) And, the more negative or overly concerned attention we give to anything...the more we bind what we do NOT want to us... Some day we will all see that more clearly.
It truly is that pesky part of our Ego that wants to control, demands constant attention, and needs to Be Right -- that we need to run occasional anti-viral scans on from time to time, especially when we keep being so emotionally distraught. Our feelings are our indicators of what is right...or not so right...for us. Be careful of how you interpret the word "Justice." Justice has a huge attachment to Ego. It is amazing how we tend to 'justify' our thinking as to what 'the other guy deserves.'
We need to learn to get into the habit of Letting Go, concentrating on what is good and happy in our lives, and on being grateful for any and all good things we have.
There was a 'hipster saying' in the 70s that did a pretty good job of reflecting much of what I am talking about: "It's all in the 'tude, dude! It's all in the 'tude"...
Yup, one's attitude towards life coupled with a kindly loving feeling towards ourselves, plus a kindly allowing feeling towards others... will reap SO MUCH GOOD into our own lives. It has go be 'genuine'...not with a pretentious air of martyrdom! Emoji
Bliss is a state of mind filled with love, allowing, peace, and freedom.
As Joseph Campbell said: Follow Your Bliss.