It's hard. We know it is. We may want to act all cool and unaffected, but more often then not -- we really feel deeply the emotions of anger, hurt, or disgust -- when we let people "get to us." A Facebook friend posted the funniest comment the other day: "If you know of someone who is still alive simply because you did not want to go to prison--please repost this." (thank you, Phillip!) I love dark humor. The people that DO -- can relate to a style of wit that escapes the more literal chaps.
Most of the time we can just sluff off some of the remarks people make. I say most of the time, because I believe its true. If we are wise, we learn to avoid people who seem to be perpetually obnoxious, insulting, insensitive, or rude. No, we are not being spiritually superior in any way for putting up with people who are jerks. People who 'put up with' barrages of insolence are not 'tolerant' and admirably patient...They are dishonoring themselves and lacking in self-confidence and esteem. People who continuously subject themselves to mental sado-masochism are not loving, tolerant, and fore bearing ... they are in need of help.
I've often said its one thing to say: "Everybody has a right to their opinion"...but it's not all that easy to be gracious to those people who think they have a right of actually express those opinions. Especially when their opinions come from blatant prejudice, judgment, self-righteousness, and obvious ignorance of the subject of which they are speaking.
When to speak.... When to be silent.... How does one deal with the pain of emotions that suddenly seem to overtake you when someone makes a hurtful or anger-provoking remark?
I have been known, at times, when I engaged my mouth prior to switching on my brain, to blame it on my genetic heritage. Irish, you know. Just can't help it.
However, I would still end up 'paying the piper' in spite of the no-fault-Irish-excuse. In all seriousness (mostly) however, it's very much of an individual thing as to when a person decides to speak up: "I have to stand up for what I believe"... and simply Letting It Be. That is hardly up to me to judge. If we are honest with ourselves -- we know that it can be very difficult to remain silent rather than come up with a very hurtful retort. We also know (way deep down inside) that just because we h really thought up a 'good comeback' and slammed someone down and 'put them in their place' ... it really doesn't feel all that good. Maybe for a few seconds...but that's about it. That little voice tells us it was all about Ego. Ego wants to win. Ego needs attention. Ego is NEVER satisfied...the more we feed it, the more it wants... Then, one day, we Wake Up and inwardly 'sees' what we are doing. If, after that, we continue to choose to 'get even' and retaliate against the other person...then we cannot escape admitting to ourselves, without excuses, that we purposely wanted to inflict pain on another person. So who wins? No one. We know it...we feel it in our soul...
That typifies that horrible saying: "I don't get mad -- I get even." You might say that when we have 'lost it' it means we have "lost our connection to Source." And that does NOT feel good...at all...ever.
So when someone 'gets to you'...you still have a choice as to how you will react. Always. But what about the 'yeah buts'--and-- 'how come then when' etc etc -- and ALL those excuses we use when we feel truly 'justified' in hurting back??
Here is what we don't particularly want to hear: The Law of Attraction. It's always at work, always dishing out to us something that will match the vibrations that are contained within us. LOA is not judging. Its only magnetizing. Very impersonally. And boy oh boy, can that be hard to swallow! If we ALLOW it, however, we can always -- always -- learn something from these painful situations that helps us to grow, expand, and be more allowing. And THEN!!-- Truly Feel Better!! We can't just say: "If I have learned one thing, it's to avoid assholes." Nope. Sorry. That isn't always the The Final Answer. That's only the ego taking the easy way out. Inwardly, we 'know' what the answer is for us.
Yesterday I nearly 'lost it' with another resident here. I was ready to put on my Crusader Cape (those capes usually sparkle with a good sprinkling of self-righteousness) and tell this guy off good! And, I was going to do this in front of others! He had hurt a friend of mine in a very bad way. So I was going to do the same to him, by gum! I would share what it was -- but I don't need or want validation that "I was justified." What I was totally overlooking was this: My friend attracted this incident to him. I wasn't even present when it occurred. The 'offender' had never offended me in any way. Ever. No, I didn't have to like the cruel things he said to my friend... but it was not my problem. Now... that may raise some hackles on some of your backs, because my 'reasoning' doesn't exactly reflect a Hallmark movie. BUT.... I am so glad that I kept my mouth shut. My friend is a 'full grown' adult who has to learn his own lessons without my 'help'...otherwise known as interference. It didn't take me long to start remember how my friend literally 'asks' (attracts) for trouble fairly often.. This is just one very minute example on the subject of 'getting to you.' I was SO glad I cooled my jets.
It doesn't pay for us to make up a long list of all the 'possible' or 'probable' times when we just knew for sure we would most likely be praised and lauded for playing the Caped Crusader! So convinced we are "right!" But -- it still chalks up the points for the EGO... and 'winning' does NOT solve the problem that created it.
In his wonderful little book "The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz, in the 3rd Agreement says: "Don't Take It Personally" ... whether it is directed at you...or a loved one...or anyone else. Let it STAY with the other person. Don't take it in. That is the perspective we need to aim for. It doesn't mean we can't ever speak our own truths or give our own positions. But let's be honest here. We KNOW _when_ to do this...and _how_ to do this.
And if we haven't learned that yet...Well...we will eventually learn...or we'll keep hurting until we do. That's just the way Life is. Always helping us to grow...and teaching us to be more allowing...We then learn to tend to our own doorsteps...and we learn to: just Let It Be.